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Big Feelings & Behaviour

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firstyears.com.au

Simple support for babies, toddlers & new parents

Big Feelings

A practical guide to tantrums, hitting, biting, refusal, fears, sharing, body triggers, repair and calm limits for toddlers and preschoolers.

General information only. This guide does not replace medical, developmental, psychological, behavioural or safety advice. Seek professional support for persistent aggression, self-injury, trauma, developmental concerns, speech/language concerns, severe anxiety, regression, family violence or safety concerns.

First Yearsfirstyears.com.auBig Feelings

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Quick summary

The calm version

Young children are not born knowing how to manage big feelings. Behaviour is often communication. All emotions are allowed, but all behaviours are not. Children need connection and boundaries, and unsafe behaviour needs calm, firm limits.

DecodeLook for the need under behaviour.
ConnectChildren regulate through safe adults.
LimitWarmth and boundaries belong together.
RepairRepair teaches without shame.
SupportAsk early if behaviour feels unsafe.

What matters most

  • Young children need adults to help with co-regulation before they can use self-regulation reliably. [1][2]
  • Body triggers matter: hunger, tiredness, pain, illness, sensory overload, screens, transitions, constipation and family stress can all affect behaviour.
  • Behaviour may show a need, a feeling, a skill gap or an environment that is too hard for that moment.
  • Repair teaches responsibility without shame. It does not remove the limit.
  • Seek support early if behaviour feels unsafe, frequent, intense, worsening or unmanageable.

General information only. This guide does not replace medical, developmental, psychological, behavioural or safety advice. Seek professional support for persistent aggression, self-injury, trauma, developmental concerns, speech/language concerns, severe anxiety, regression, family violence or safety concerns.

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Practical companion

How this guide is organised

For stressful moments

If you are in the middle of a hard moment, go to the mini action plans, scripts, body basics checklist or parent reset plan. Come back to the background pages later.

If you needStart withPrint
Understand patternsBehaviour iceberg and detective worksheetBehaviour detective worksheet
TantrumsTantrum response planTantrum response plan
Hitting, biting or throwingUnsafe behaviour response planUnsafe behaviour response plan
Refusal or whiningRefusal and whining scriptsCalm scripts sheet
Separation or fearsSeparation and fears sectionBrave steps plan
Hard moments nowWhat to do right now mini plansMini plans
Parent feels close to snappingParent reset planParent reset plan
Need outside supportSeek help tables and resourcesAppointment notes

Suggested page flow

  • Cover and quick summary.
  • Behaviour basics, detective worksheet and age map.
  • Tantrums, unsafe behaviour, refusal, fears and sharing.
  • Body triggers, parent regulation, repair and different supports.
  • Mini plans, scripts, normal/help tables, questions and tools.
  • Australian resources, helpful programs and references.

Visual tools included

  • Behaviour iceberg.
  • Behaviour detective worksheet.
  • Tantrum plan.
  • Unsafe behaviour plan.
  • Body basics checklist.
  • Parent reset plan.
  • Trigger tracker.
  • Childcare communication sheet.
  • Repair plan.

General information only. This guide does not replace medical, developmental, psychological, behavioural or safety advice. Seek professional support for persistent aggression, self-injury, trauma, developmental concerns, speech/language concerns, severe anxiety, regression, family violence or safety concerns.

Unlock the full PDF

The full guide includes 32 pages, printable tools including body basics checklist, unsafe behaviour plan, calm scripts sheet, trigger tracker, trusted resource links and safety guidance. It is part of the First Years first 2000 days library.

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The complete First Years guide library: every premium guide plus the two free guide PDFs in one organised early-years resource set.

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Feeding GuideFirst Foods Starter GuideNewborn EssentialsSleep GuideParent WellbeingHealth & Safety BasicsCommon Childhood IllnessAllergies, Eczema & AsthmaDental & Oral HealthToddler GuideBig Feelings & BehaviourToilet LearningFamily Routines PackChildcare & Preschool ReadinessDevelopment GuidePlay & LearningSpeech, Language & CommunicationDevelopmental Concerns & Early Support
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